Parenting Advice - By Some Columnist - a parody

Dan’s a talk show radio host and you know, he likes controversy. It’s a way of boosting ratings. Get those caller juices flowing. Which brings in more money from the sponsors trying to sell gold at jacked up prices. So the other day he started his show by asking me, “So, Tom, I understand you don’t approve of father’s high-fiving their sons. Why is that?” So I explained that it’s because fathers have to show their sons leadership and high-fiving is not a way to do that. In fact, it’s just the opposite of leadership. It makes a statement, but the statement is, “I am your friend. I like you. I want to celebrate with you when you do something well.” This is not a message fathers should be giving to their sons. Fathers need to show their sons leadership. And a leader is not someone who high five’s his subordinates. A leader gives orders. Subordinates follow those orders. Because that is what subordinates are supposed to do. You don’t see a basketball coach high-fiving his players do you? You don’t see a football coach smacking his players on the butt, do you? Well, maybe those are poor examples. How about the military? You don’t see generals high-fiving majors or colonels, do you? It’s indecorous. It’s a breach of protocol. You can’t be a good leader and set an example for your son if you go around breaching protocols left and right. Do generals shake hands? Of course not. It’s the army! They salute. Well, okay, you might see one of them shaking hands, but only with civilians. But, so then a caller comes on the show and says, “I high five my son. I like to. He likes it too.” So I said to the bad father. “You are missing my point. You need to show leadership. High-fiving is something that equals do to each other, okay. You don’t see a CEO high-fiving an employee do you? Okay, other than in the tech industry. Apple. That guy Steve Jobs. And Bill Gates. But these are really just exceptions, okay, and anyway, who said they are good leaders? High fiving is a plea for acceptance; it’s a cry for companionship. “I wanna be your friend. Please, oh, please let me be your friend.” And it’s just a slippery slope from high-fives to playing catch with him to going to PG-13 movies with him and before you know it—boom—you’re at the store buying him liquor and cigarettes because you want him to think you’re “cool”. So you see my point. You grovel before your son and he would just as soon spit on you than want to hang around with you. You are more pathetic than a guy bringing a girl flowers because he wants the girl to like him. Big mistake! Never, ever, do that. It’s manipulation. You are trying to manipulate your son into loving you. Well I have news for you, mister smart guy. It won’t work. Your son will loath you all the more because he knows that you are spineless panty-waste who cannot – who does not know anything about leadership. You want to know a great leader? Patton. Patton was a great leader. You think he high-fived anyone? Do you? Can you honestly tell me that General George S. Patton high-fived anyone? Hell no! He smacked people around, though, boy. And he was a great leader. I mean, George C. Scott for crissakes. It doesn’t get any clearer than that! So, you want your son to know who is in charge, you just give him a good smack now and then. And that will keep order in your home, believe you me. Just ask my wife when she comes back. … She’s visiting her sister now.

http://www.rosemond.com/